Something’s Got to Give

Not focussed, lack of concentration, irritable, angry, sad, lack of motivation – do I go on? Stressed? Maybe.

Just when I think I’m getting myself together I find I’m not. It hasn’t helped not being well for the past couple of days. It started at work yesterday and then I felt incredibly tired and irritable in the afternoon and I think it showed. Last night I felt sick and nauseous and eventually threw up. This morning I felt achey and tired and spent half the day sleeping on and off. Needless to say I didn’t go to work. I was reluctant to phone in sick as I thought it would be seen as a reaction to the way I behaved yesterday but eventually I couldn’t care less. I wouldn’t have been able to work effectively anyway.

I’ve been toying with the idea of going to the doctors and seeing if I can get myself signed off. I know all the symptoms of stress and think I’m actually suffering with them anyway. I’ve had nothing back from my email to Shelagh a few weeks ago regarding a de-brief meeting and still feel I am hanging on to all the stuff from Stevenage. I know she read the email but she never replied.

The friends I’ve known the longest have been no bloody help. None of them have phoned to see how I am. Tanya, Loretta and Maxine are more likely to do that. I’m not always very good at asking for help and think I can manage by myself. I seem to close down and keep it all in. Not good. Something’s got to give – or is it giving already?